Introduction:

Ken Burns in his book, The Civil War, recalls how in 1913, the Federal government held a fiftieth anniversary reunion at Gettysburg. It lasted three days. Thousands of survivors bivouacked in the old battlefield, swapping stories, looking up comrades. The climax of the gathering was a reenactment of Pickett's Charge. Thousands of spectators gathered to watch as the Union veterans took their positions on Cemetery Ridge, and waited as their old adversaries emerged from the woods on Seminary Ridge and started forward toward them across the long, flat fields. Philip Myers, [who witnessed the event as an 18 year old] wrote, "We could see not rifles and bayonets but canes and crutches. We soon could distinguish the more agile ones aiding those less able to maintain their places in the ranks." As they neared the northern line, they broke into one final, defiant rebel yell. At the sound, "after half a century of silence, a moan, a sigh, a gigantic gasp of unbelief" rose from the Union men on cemetery Ridge. "It was then," wrote Myers, "that the Yankees, unable to restrain themselves longer, burst from behind the stone wall, and flung themselves upon their former enemies ... not in mortal combat, but re-united in brother love and affection."

That story of reconciliation is one that needs repeating on other battlefields. Not so much on the ones that can be charted on maps but the ones that are remembered in our relationships. The battle is history covered by the layers of hurt, anger, pain, disappointment and tears. Yet it is not forgotten. You revisit the site every day at work, each Sunday at church, at your school, whenever they call, when you hear their name, or each night when they get into bed. You may be the one who longs to hear the words, "All is forgiven." You can be the one who needs to say, "Forgive me." You may dream of a moment when the relationship is restored and you feel the arms of that person around you once again. It’s a dream that you wish for continually.

That is my desire for you today. That reconciliation between you and whoever could be realized. That all of the things that have divided us could be put aside and we would be one. Families, friends, business partners, husbands and wives—all united, the past forgiven and forgotten.

That’s what happens at last with Joseph. The battlefield for Joseph is a broken relationship between himself and his brothers. Joseph had put it behind him by the grace of God. Yet 20 years later as he sees his brothers again the longing for reconciliation is revived. This portion of Joseph’s life teaches us the power of reconciliation between each other and with God .

1. The Story of Reconciliation:

To help all of us remember where we are in the story let’s take a moment to review. Joseph was the favored son of his father, Jacob, and was sold into slavery in Egypt. While enduring harsh treatment, unfair accusations and unjust imprisonment, he remained faithful to God. For that faithfulness God blessed him with not only releasing him from prison but elevating him as second only to Pharaoh, the king of Egypt. Because of a worldwide famine Joseph’s brothers have been sent by their father to Egypt to buy grain. They unexpectedly meet Joseph but do not know that it is him. Joseph does know them and in order to get the whole family there he requires that one brother remain behind. The brothers begin to be confronted with the guilt of their sin against Joseph from twenty years before.

On their journey home they discover that Joseph has returned their money to them. Again they see this as punishment from God rather than a blessing. In Genesis 42:29-38 they tell their story to their father and inform him that if he ever expects to see Simeon again that Benjamin the youngest brother was going to have to go back with them. Jacob would not hear of it. "But Jacob said, "My son will not go down there with you; his brother is dead and he is the only one left. If harm comes to him on the journey you are taking, you will bring my gray head down to the grave in sorrow." (Gen.42:38)

Hunger has a way of making you change your mind about things and this is true with Jacob. We discover in Genesis 43 that the famine continues to get worse and now they are out of grain. Jacob wants to send them back but they sons remind him of the deal that Joseph had made with them: No Benjamin, no Simeon. Jacob finally weakens and allows them to take Benjamin. He said as he sent them away, "Take your brother also and go back to the man at once. 14And may God Almighty grant you mercy before the man so that he will let your other brother and Benjamin come back with you. As for me, if I am bereaved, I am bereaved."( Gen.43:13-14).

When they arrive in Egypt they are brought before Joseph. They still have no idea they are talking to their brother. After seeing that they had brought Benjamin back with them he brings Simeon out also. He does at this point something very strange for an official of his power and authority, he invites them to his home for a meal! The meeting was more than the emotions of Joseph could bear. Joseph was overcome with the feelings of love and longing when he sees Benjamin. We read, "As he looked about and saw his brother Benjamin, his own mother's son, he asked, "Is this your youngest brother, the one you told me about?" And he said, "God be gracious to you, my son." 30Deeply moved at the sight of his brother, Joseph hurried out and looked for a place to weep. He went into his private room and wept there.31After he had washed his face, he came out and, controlling himself, said, "Serve the food." (Gen.43:29-31)

In Genesis 44 we read how that Joseph sends the brothers back home and he orders that not only should their money be returned to them secretly but that his special cup is to be placed in Benjamin’s sack . Then the steward or servant of Joseph was ordered to follow them and find the cup in the youngest brother’s sack. On the way out of Egypt the steward pursues them ,stopped them and asked how they could steal what belonged to Pharaoh. Ignorant of Joseph’s scheme, they emptied their sacks onto the ground. Eleven sacks later, as the golden grain spilled out, the silver cup was seen! The brothers are brought back to the house of Joseph and fall on their face before him. Joseph questions them as to how they could steal from him. Judah responds in Gen.44:16, "What can we say to my lord?" Judah replied. "What can we say? How can we prove our innocence? God has uncovered your servants' guilt. We are now my lord's slaves-we ourselves and the one who was found to have the cup." Those words were twenty years in the making.

To secure their release the brothers propose a bargain. Judah voices the bargain. What is important about this is that Judah was the one 20 years before who had advocated selling Joseph as a slave instead of killing him. The plea of Judah is one filled with passion and brokenness. He proposes that he stay and let everyone else go because their father couldn’t stand to lose Benjamin. Joseph’s scheme has tested the brothers’ willingness to see their sin. Joseph at last saw that these men were transformed! Their hearts were open. They showed deep commitment to each other, remorse over their sin and a real concern for their father. This was not the same Joseph and neither were these the same brothers.

When 20 or more years of pain and hurt could not be contained Joseph discloses himself to his brothers (Gen. 45:1-4). The drama of the biblical narrative intensifies and truly speaks for itself. Joseph dismisses the servants and with his emotions screaming to be let go, say’s to them with tears and excitement in Hebrew, "I am Joseph." His brothers are so shocked they really couldn’t believe it was true. Joseph asks them to come closer and he says, "I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt!"

The response of Joseph that follows is an illustration to us of someone who has been hurt unjustly offering grace to the one who is guilty (45:5-15). What he does is replace negative emotions with positive ones. Notice:

• Instead of anger he was comforting (45:5a).
• Instead of resentment he saw the purpose of God (45:5-7)
• Instead of a grudge he was generous and unselfish (45:9-13)
• Instead of hate he was completely forgiving (50:20)

Twenty years of a broken relationship are at last reconciled. In one of the loveliest biblical accounts we see the need of human relationships that are destroyed to be somehow reconciled. Yet, even more important that that, we can see the one supreme reconciliation exemplified here—that of our being reconciled to God through Jesus Christ.

1. What does this story tell us about reconciling relationships?

One thing it shows us is the reality of broken relationships. According to American psychiatrist Harry Sullivan, all personal growth and healing as well as all personal damage and regression come through relationships with other people. Which only proves a long standing theory of mine: "If it weren’t for other people messing things up, I could be a pretty decent guy!" Seriously, all of us have had at sometime a broken relationship. You may be living in one now.

It may be the result of poor attitudes and actions. Maybe because of self-centeredness or a non-forgiving, bitter attitude, a failure to admit wrong, insecurity or prejudice. Whether deliberate or not, poor attitudes can destroy our relationships. Or it may be that your goals have suddenly collided. You felt this was the most important thing in marriage. He felt that was the least important and then like stars in space, you collide in your orbits. It happens in homes, churches, business, school, friends. You thought you were both going the same direction but it turned out to be a head-on collision!

Sometimes it’s the result of poor communication. It’s like the old saying, "I know you think you know what you thought I said but what you thought I said you heard but it was not exactly what I meant."

We assume because we have said something it is understood when it may not have been understood at all.

Many times outside pressures can ignite separation. If a man listens to all of the talk about a mid-life crisis he can have one. If you listen to everything about being burned out, you will. If you listen to those who tell you your marriage is not fulfilling you can assume that it is true. It’s not always just between two people where the breakdown comes. It sometimes is the pressure of an unredeemed world crying for our submission.

The story of the breakdown in Joseph’s family is not a story covered with dust of 4000 years. No, it is someone you know or someone you are.

The next issue this raises is the necessity of reconciliation. Where there is separation and breakdown there must be reconciliation. Why is it so necessary? One reason is that all the present kindness can’t make up for past failures. It is evident that Judah was a changed man! Twenty years had gone by and he now stands willing to exchange his life to spare Benjamin’s. But twenty years ago he sold his own brother to the slave traders for the price of a crippled slave! Judah is doing a noble thing now. However it does not change the breakdown of the relationship with Joseph. Being good today doesn’t change the sins of yesterday. My friends, with those we have hurt and remain in an attitude of separation, present kindness or love to others doesn’t alter your past. That family member or friend you hurt years ago may only mock all of your goodness. Being kind to someone else today doesn’t change your hate yesterday. Make no mistake, my friend, only reconciliation between you two can bring peace to your heart.

We can also see the necessity because the longer reconciliation is delayed the greater the damage. We must remember that if it were not for Joseph’s acceptance of his trial as the purpose of God he would not have responded this way. How many people do you know who would say, as Joseph, "It was not you who sent me here but God"? I haven’t met too many.

Not only does the delay of reconciliation damage the other person but it hurts you as well. An unresolved conflict or relationship will always hinder you in your effectiveness for Christ. It can even cause you to fail in the ability to make correct decisions. You may find a loss of power in resisting temptations. You won’t be as free to build deep abiding relationships. The stress can cause physical, emotional and mental damage. The broken relationship can take its toll spiritually. Jesus said in Matthew 5:23-24, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." The longer you wait to reconcile a broken, severed relationship the greater the damage grows.

A third reason it is essential that reconciliation occur is that you will never know peace inwardly till you are at peace outwardly. Just as the Sovereign God brought all of the circumstances of Joseph’s life to accomplish the purpose of preserving Israel so He also moved the lives of Joseph’s brothers to a day of face-to-face reconciliation! The day to bury the hatchet had come! Friends, there ought to be a day when wrongs are forgotten and forgiven. How many children have wept at the grave of a father or a mother because that one died without the love being what it once was? How many tears have been shed in grief when they could have been shed in joy over the love reborn within?

But we want to put it off. We may say:

• "It happened a long time ago."
• "It was such a small offense"
• "Things have gotten better."
• "No one’s perfect."
• "Making it right will involve money I don’t have."
• "I’ll do it later."
• "If I purpose not to do it again, won’t that be enough?"
• "They aren’t Christians. What will they think?"

When are you going to go to "Egypt" and reconcile with your family, your friends, your wife, husband or children? Today is now for you to start the journey, to make a call, to write a letter – not them, but you! Today you are to be reconciled.

How do you do this? Well if you are the offended as Joseph was you reconcile by forgiving. When relationships are marred by offenses, the key to emotional healing and restoration of the relationship is forgiveness. Healing can remove the pain of the injury; it cannot remove the memory of it. Forgiveness, in its truest sense, means "to cancel a debt." To forgive is to not require another to pay the debt they "owe" for having hurt us. It requires that we impose no punitive consequences on the offender. We neither expect nor demand the offender to change in order to gain our forgiveness. Just how do we implement forgiveness?

• Remember. Forgiving others becomes easier and takes on a proper perspective when we remember how much God has forgiven us.
• Release. When someone has hurt us, they've incurred a debt. We must let go of that debt, cancel it. It doesn't depend on our feelings, for we very well may not feel like forgiving. It is an act of the will, triumphing over the emotions. That accomplishes forgiveness.
• Resist. Once we've released the debt, we must resist taking back the hurt, pain, and resentment. It takes time for deep-seated hurts to heal, especially when the offender is one to whom we've been very close. The emotions may come on us unawares and tempt us to dwell on the hurt. At these times reevaluating the offenses in light of God’s forgiveness and mercy toward us helps resisting.
• Recycle. Go back through the forgiveness process as long as it takes for the painful memories to begin to fade. Our emotions must have time to catch up with what our wills have decided. Healing comes when we honor God by being "grace- givers" to those who have wounded us.

Conclusion: Dan Schaeffer tells this story: A number of years ago in a small town in Spain, a man and his teenage son had an argument. The falling out led to deep feelings of bitterness and unforgiveness on both sides. The son soon left for the city. The father regretted the way he had treated his son and began to search for him. After several months, he still had not been able to locate the young man.

Finally, as a last ditch effort, he placed the following ad in the classified section of a Madrid newspaper: "Dear Paco, meet me in front of the newspaper office at noon. All is forgiven. I love you. Your father." By twelve o'clock the next day, there were over 800 men named Paco gathered outside the newspaper building. Every one of them was looking for forgiveness from his father. Today there could be someone waiting to read an ad like that from you.

As great as your need to be reconciled to a person, Joseph’s story shows us a picture of a greater reconciliation that must be made. In spite of all the evil done to him, Joseph met his brothers’ guilt with God’s grace. They had destroyed the relationship, not Joseph but he extended to them love and forgiveness.

Paul said in II Corinthians 5:17-21, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! …We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

You’ll never be able to be at peace with your brother until you are at peace with your Father! Jesus makes that possible. Is that your place today? Do you need to be reconciled to God? Perhaps you are at peace with God but what about your brother? It is God’s will for you to be reconciled to your brother. Don’t wait! Decide today.

Sunday, October 3, 1999

Dr. Bruce Tippit, Pastor

First Baptist Church

Jonesboro, Arkansas

btippit@fbcjonesboro.org