Introduction: Several weeks ago while traveling to Arkadelphia with our family I got a call on the cell phone that one of our church members had died. I asked Kathy to pull over because some phone numbers I needed were in my DayTimer in the back of the van. She pulled over in a spot that had a mudhole so I asked her to drive across the highway to another spot, which she did reluctantly. I went around to the back and got what I needed. She assumed that I had closed the rear door and started to pull away to continue our trip. To our shock, the girls screamed, "Daddy, our clothes!" I looked back and saw my suit bag and a few other things now deposited in the middle of Highway 49. Kathy pulled over and I dodged cars to get our clothes. I got them back in the van, slammed the rear door and, well—"freaked out." After a few moments of "sharing my heart" one of the girls started to giggle and we all just broke up. We now have a phrase that is usually used about me: "Freak out."

Stress of all kinds can cause us as adults to "freak out." It also affects our children. A recent Baby Blues cartoon shows the Dad coming home and sitting on the couch with his preschool daughter Zoe beside him. They are both staring out into space. The Dad says, "Wooo! What a day!" Zoe says, "Me, too!" He says, "Mine was nothing but problems and pressure and frustration." Zoe says, "Me, too!" The Dad looks at her in shock and shouts, "You’re in Preschool!" Zoe says, "We had to count to ten by fives!"

While those incidents make us laugh, stress and pressure are really nothing to joke about. As our culture grows and changes so does our stress and it is destroying our life.

A new study from Newsweek magazine shows that stress is being linked to heart disease, immune deficiency and memory loss. We're learning that men and women process stress differently and that childhood stress can lead to adult health problems. The worst part is, we inflict it on ourselves.

It was vital to survival once—an innate response to danger, inherited directly from our past down to our own lifetimes, where it causes nothing but trouble. Some people make a virtue of stress, with the thought "that which does not kill me makes me stronger." But science shows this to be a lie. A whole new body of research shows the damage stress wreaks on the body. "The human body," says Dr. Pamela Peeke of the University of Maryland, "was never meant to deal with prolonged chronic stress. We weren't meant to drag around bad memories, anxieties and frustrations."

God made our bodies with the ability to respond to threats to our lives. But our civilization, by contrast, gives you the opportunity to experience an adrenaline rush at every traffic light. And—since all you're doing is sitting in your car—the elaborate preparations your body makes are wasted. Worse than wasted: every heartbeat at elevated blood pressure takes its toll on the arteries. So what happens is that your defense becomes more damaging than the imaginary challenge.

Researchers still don't understand why the body should suppress immunity during times of stress—if anything, the opposite would seem to make sense. But the negative effects are clear: chronic stress leaves one more vulnerable to infections.

And, amazingly enough, stress can even change the shape of your body. Since the stress reaction involves mobilizing the body's fat reserves for energy, it makes sense to store that fat near the liver, which processes it so it can be metabolized in the muscles. So those who are more stressful get potbellies even while they are thin every where else.

Stress is hurting our kids! We're finding that if you come from a family that's somewhat chaotic, unstable, not cohesive, harboring grudges, very early on your brain remembers that and you carry it throughout life. Children raised in secure, loving homes learn to handle the stress reaction. As early as three months, well-cared-for babies can suffer discomfort without evoking a stress response; they'll cry when they get a physical exam, but their stress hormones don't go up commensurately. Children who are in secure, emotionally supportive relationships are buffered to everyday stresses.

Kids come in more and more to physicians with abdominal pain, headaches... a whole variety of complaints which could be mistaken for medical problems and often are. They are worried but they are worried about grown ups and grown up problems. The biggest concern is that the parents are going to be sick, or angry, or they're going to divorce.

The challenge we face is to master not the threats themselves, but our all-too-human responses to them. How do people manage their response to stress? One way that has been successful is for people to see how someone successfully manages their stress and copy them. It is surprising but there are some people who can weather a devastating experience with a tremendous sense of serenity. They do it by seeing that devastation as part of some bigger loving plan. You see it’s their attitude that changes things. The stress is still the same and maybe worse yet they are able to respond with calm and peace. The writer of the Proverbs is right, "A relaxed attitude does lengthen life…"!

Is there a way for the Christian to conquer and avoid this? The answer from God’s word is "Yes!" There is the power of a relaxed attitude! " A relaxed attitude lengthens life; jealousy rots it away."

1. What is a relaxed attitude?

The best example of living life with a relaxed attitude is found in the person of Jesus Christ. Just before Jesus died on the cross he said to the Father, "I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do" (John 17:4 NIV). You wonder how he could say this in light of his brief ministry. Were there not still other people to heal, teach, help, free or serve? Of course, but that wasn’t his purpose. His purpose was, as he said, to bring glory to God. He did that by ending his life, having done all God asked. Here is a picture of someone without stress, anxiety, regret, worry or fear as they face death. They just say, "I have done all God wanted done, not all that could be done." That is a relaxed attitude!

How do you and I emulate this in our lives? How can we face our stress with such an attitude? Well, to discover this kind of attitude for yourself you must have a spiritual center. There must be something within you that has connected with God through His Son Jesus Christ. Essentially you must be a believer. Beyond that, once you are a believer, then to have a relaxed attitude we must be people who are continually in contact with that spiritual center. That time of daily relationship with Him where we understand His direction for our day.

Much of our anxiety and stress as Christians comes as a result of trying to control our own lives instead of relying on God. Also, we are more stressed because we are not focused on the right priorities we should have, leaving us frustrated. We struggle with the fact that we aren’t following Jesus and end up straying from His direction. Through al of this we lose our connection with God and we then become consumed with ourselves.

Yet when we continually come before him asking for his leadership and direction and doing that, then whatever comes to threaten that peace meets with positive resistance. A relaxed attitude then is the result or condition of a continual daily recognition that the most important thing I can ever accomplish is doing what God wants for that day.

2. What are the signs or evidence of a relaxed attitude?

Well, one of them is that when I am relaxed it’s a sign that I am trusting God’s plan, not stressing over my circumstances. "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances" (Phil. 4:11). Paul had discovered the ability to be so trusting in his relationship with God’s will and purpose for his life that whatever came his way he met it with peaceful contentment. I want you to notice, though, that this was something that was learned. (I have learned…") nor is it fatal resignation (whatever’s going to happen….). It’s actively involving yourself in the resolution of your response to stress. Whatever is going on I believe there is a bigger plan at work and that’s the one I’m going to follow!

Another sign of a relaxed attitude is that when I am relaxed it’s a sign that I am focused on right priorities not frustrated by urgent things. "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 3:10-14 NIV). What is obvious in these verses is that Paul had the ability to focus on a clear spiritual priority and move toward that with absolute commitment. More than anything else he wanted to know Jesus fully. Everything else was secondary. It was a struggle though! Notice how twice he repeats, "I press on…" (v. 12, 14). Even for Paul there was the tension of urgent things trying to crowd out the most important thing: knowing Jesus even more deeply. As we are able to focus on priorities that reflect the will of God in our lives we find we are freed from the struggle of the urgent.

Another idea is that when I am relaxed it’s a sign that I am following Jesus not falling away. "Then he said to them all: ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me’" (Luke 9:23 NIV). In these words of Jesus what you discover is a decision that is followed by a process. The decision contains two parts—"deny himself…" and "take up his cross…." The process is simply, "follow me." What Jesus describes here is the life of a disciple that has decided to choose living daily following Him. Following Jesus is a continual daily identification with the person of Jesus Christ. There is no stress here because this person has chosen to turn away from themselves and live obediently in relationship with Him.

Lastly, when I am relaxed it’s a sign that I am connected with God, not consumed with myself. "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it" (Luke 9:24). Jesus states in Luke that someone who loses themselves in doing His will actually saves their life. We have a hard time seeing this because we think that the only way to gain is to keep. Yet spiritually it’s just the opposite. Jesus reflected that losing of himself in John’s gospel when he said, "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does" (John 5:19). "By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me" (John 5:30 NIV).

What you see here is that Jesus had a total dependence on God, "…can do nothing of himself…" and his total connection with the Father, "…whatever the Father does…the Son also does…." You don’t need to have the idea that Jesus walked around like a "droid" only doing as he was programmed. As we read earlier, Jesus continually maintained his connection (Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16, 6:12, 9:18, 28). Whatever stresses Jesus might have encountered, his connection with His Father was essential. He didn’t have to be reminded by God, "This isn’t about you. It’s about me!"

Conclusion: "A relaxed attitude lengthens life…." It’s just true that this kind of attitude, resulting from a continual daily recognition that the most important thing I can accomplish each day is doing what God wants makes my life better! When I do that, it’s evidence that I’m trusting not stressing, focused not frustrated, following not falling, and connected not consumed with myself.

The last part of that verse says, "jealousy rots it away." What is this? I believe it’s wishing you had something else, were somewhere else, doing something else, with someone else. It’s living in the if only’s of regret or the if only’s of any other moment but now. The "if onlys" of jealousy will cause us to lose the moment and adding the moments up cause us to lose life, valuable life. A relaxed attitude refuses to let jealousy rot life away. Instead it makes us treasure our time as the best moment of our life, whatever the time or circumstances may be.

This idea is reflected in this thought by Joe Kemp given to me by my wife:

Nothing is worth more than this day.

Goethe

"It was June 15, and in two days I would be turning 30. I was insecure about entering a new decade of my life and feared that my best years were now behind me. My daily routine included going to the gym for a workout before going to work. Every morning I would see my friend Nicholas at the gym. He was 79 years old and in terrific shape. As I greeted Nicholas on this particular day, he noticed I wasn’t full of my usual vitality and asked if there was anything wrong. I told him was feeling anxious about turning thirty. I wondered how I would look back on my life once I reached Nicholas’ age, so I asked him, ‘What was the best time of your life?’ Without hesitation, Nicholas replied, ‘Well, Joe, this is my philosophical answer to your philosophical question:

"‘When I was a child in Austria and everything was taken care of for me and I was nurtured by my parents, that was the best time of my life.’

"‘When I was going to school and learning the things I know today, that was the best time of my life.’

"‘When I got my first job and had responsibilities and got paid for my efforts, that was the best time of my life.’

"‘When I met my wife and fell in love, that was the best time of my life.’

"‘The Second World War came, and my wife and I had to flee Austria to save our lives. When we were together and safe on a ship bound for North America, that was the best time of my life.’ "‘When we came to Canada and started a family, that was the best time of my life.’

"‘When I was a young father, watching my children grow up, that was the best time of my life. And now, Joe, I am 79 years old. I have my health, I feel good and I am in love with my wife just as I was when we first met. This is the best time of my life.’"

A relaxed attitude does lengthen life!

Sunday, June 13, 1999

Dr. Bruce Tippit, Pastor

First Baptist Church

Jonesboro, Arkansas

btippit@fbcjonesboro.org.