Main Idea: The Spirit’s patience is released through me as I see my conflicts through the eyes of mercy.

A few months ago I needed to go to the hospital in Memphis to see one of our church members. Now you need to understand that we have two cars, one that we call "the good car" and "the other car." The other car is an "in-town" car. It’s the one I drive. It has been known to have "issues" when it gets away from home and I have had the pleasure of getting to know a tow-truck driver as a result.

On this particular day I was doing what I normally do and that’s over-schedule myself so I was in a hurry. I went home to get "the good car" but discovered it was out of gas. So, instead of taking the time to go get gas, I did what any husband would do: I blamed my wife. I not only blamed her, I was mad at her for not having the good car ready and my lunch fixed so I could go to Memphis. As I was fuming to leave, she told me over and over, "Don’t take that car. You know what happened the last time." So just to prove who wore the pants in my family, I took "the other car."

I made it to Memphis, made my visit and was headed home when I heard a grinding noise. I pulled over, looked under the hood (I didn’t know what I was looking for but I’m a guy so I’m supposed to look!) and saw a lot of steam coming out of the engine. So I got back in the car and called a church friend to ask if they could come and tow me back to Jonesboro. I felt terrible because all I could think was, "If I had listened, this wouldn’t have happened." I reluctantly called Kathy and, needless to say, she reminded me of what she had said. I apologized and fully owned my role in the problem.

I thought, "Here I am stuck on the side of the road, costing someone else their time, wasting money on repairs that I would not have had. I’ve disappointed my wife and I’m mad at myself." Why was I angry with myself? I was angry at myself because my response to conflict was one of impatience instead of patience, impatience cost me far more than any amount of time I would have spent to simply do what was wise. I whacked out in anger instead of waiting. If I had waited before whacking, things would have been much different!

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has trouble with patience. In fact I’ve had more people tell me this week than other weeks that this was their issue: patience. What is it that pushes your patience button? How many of you have your "patience alarm" go off when the line at the checkout takes forever? How about the traffic on any main street between 5:00-6:00? What about your child who can’t seem to just sleep through the night? How about when your parents ask you, "Do you have any homework?" or, "When will you be home?" or, "Where are you going?" There are many things that we face constantly that push our "patience button."

When we think about patience we normally think about it in two ways: patience with or in circumstances and patience with people. Now, the need for patience with certain circumstances is important. Having patience to face or endure a certain circumstance like a critical illness is important. God wants us to learn through those situations the ability to persevere through an adversity. However, patience with people, especially people with whom we have a conflict, is critical. When I am impatient in a circumstance then I’m the one who has the problem. If I lose my patience with a person and I whack out at them in anger then they have a problem and I have a problem and our relationship is broken down on the side of the road. The hard question is how many relationships in your life are left stranded on the side of the road because you whacked instead of waited?

So what is the solution? How do you remain patient with someone who has pushed your patience buttons over and over again! How do you keep from whacking out in anger, especially justified anger, in order to save a relationship? You do it with the Spirit’s patience. How do I release the Spirit’s patience? What I want us to learn today is that the Spirit’s patience is released through me as I see my conflicts through the eyes of mercy.

As we are going through this series on the fruit of the Spirit, I have reminded us that each one of these qualities are already within the life of every Christian through the presence of the Holy Sprit. Paul said in Galatians 5:22, "But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience…." The word patience in the original language is a combination of two words: slow and anger. The best definition of patience, then, is handling anger slowly. There is a difference between "waiting" and "patience." Waiting is very non-intentional or lacking a purpose. You may be waiting for something but you are not really in control of when it will happen. But waiting can become patience when it gets personal. I can wait for the people to change the oil in the car but if it doesn’t happen in the time I think is appropriate, I shift into the area where my patience buttons are being pushed.

Patience – handling anger slowly – involves a conflict that pushes my buttons and creates a desire to whack out in anger. The danger is that if I fail to control my anger, I am going to have more than an issue of being irritated with someone; I am going to push the conflict over into the area of damaging relationships. That’s why Paul told the Colossian Christians that in their relationships with other Christians they needed to put on or clothe themselves with "tenderhearted mercy…and patience." I want you to notice, though, how he ties a relationship conflict immediately to the issue of patience. He says, " You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." This lets me know that my response of patience is tied closely to whether or not I see them as an object of God’s mercy or the focus of my conflict.

Let’s start at the end of verse 13 to understand how we can discover patience in our lives. Paul said, "Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." This tells me that since God has shown patience toward me by forgiving my sins that this is to be a motivation for me to show patience with the conflicts I have with others. One of the marvelous attributes of God is that he is patient with us when we are disobedient. The Bible says he is "slow to get angry." The Psalmist says in Psalm 103:8, "The Lord is wonderful and gracious; he is slow to get angry and full of unfailing love." He goes on to say that God chooses not to give us what we deserve but instead, " He has removed our rebellious acts as far away from us as the east is from the west." (v. 12) God has chosen, when it comes to our own personal sin, to be slow to get angry rather than punishing us as we deserve. He is merciful toward us.

God, however, demonstrated fully his willingness to show mercy regarding our sin by sending Jesus Christ to the cross in order to fully and finally remove our sins from our lives. He did this not because of anything we have done but because of his mercy. So when Paul says, "Remember, the Lord forgave you…" he is causing us to recall that when it came to you and me that God had every reason to "whack" us or judge us for our sins but he "waited" and placed those sins on Jesus Christ. As we remember that he was merciful toward us, we as well should respond to others in the same way. What this tells us is that there is a deep river of remembrance that is to flow in each of us that provides the fuel or energy for a life of mercy.

Now notice the first part of verse 13 where Paul says, "You must make allowance for each others faults and forgive the person who offends you." Then just before that he said, "You must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy…and patience." Here’s what this means: My patience is the space or time period between my observing someone’s fault and wanting to judge them or my sense of being offended by someone and wanting to be angry at them. Patience is the action I take between my awareness of fault or my awareness of offense. The only way I am going to be able to respond with patience is if I allow my sense of mercy to fuel my patience. That is how you make allowance for someone else’s fault and forgive someone who offends you. Your sense or remembrance of mercy has to energize your response of patience. When I look at my conflict with someone else through the eyes of mercy, I find the Spirit’s patience being released. I wait before I whack when I remember God waited instead of whacking me!

Some time back Kathy and I went into a bookstore that also has a coffee and drink bar. I had been in there two other times and ordered a frozen decaffeinated coffee drink. So I told the young lady what I wanted and she told me that they didn’t make that kind of drink. At that point, my patience meter registered in the yellow range. (Now I knew that it wasn’t something that was already prepared but the times before the persons made it for me.) I responded with, "Well, I had it here before." Then she said, "No, it must have been some other place because we don’t make that." My patience meter went past the yellow and the orange and went straight to code red. I said emphatically, "No, I did order it here, twice" and I emphasized it by jamming my two fingers down on the counter. By this time, Kathy is appalled and I’m feeling really stupid. I order something and go sit down.

Later, I was consumed with guilt and I went to the young lady and apologized. After I apologized, her eyes filled up with tears that made me feel even worse. What happened? I whacked instead of waited. I believed this person was at fault and rather than release the Spirit’s patience, I responded with Bruce’s anger. The result, because I failed to remember the river of mercy within me, was: I wounded an innocent person, ruined an outing with my wife, embarrassed the name of Christ, as well as myself and grieved the Holy Spirit all over a $3 frozen drink!

I have a feeling that I am not the only one in the room who has some confessing to do about this! There are many ways that our patience buttons can be pushed. What we fail to realize in that moment when we want to whack instead of wait is the human relationships and the spiritual relationships that are wrecked and ruined, even many that can never be repaired. It is inexcusable to respond as I did over a frozen drink! Yet, where have you failed to remember the river of mercy flowing deep within you and your failure to show patience that hurt not someone unknown to you but someone you see every morning? What is the damage assessment because you failed to respond in mercy to someone’s fault or offense? Is it your spouse? Your child? Your parents? Your family member? Your co-worker? Your friend? Your brother or sister in Christ?

You may say, "They are truly at fault and they have truly caused the offense!" All the Bible says is, " Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." I don’t question your legitimacy to feel justified in your sense of fault or offense. All I am saying is that God has shown mercy and patience toward your fault and offense and that the person with whom you are having conflict is deserving of the same. If we don’t understand that and we continue whacking instead of waiting then we will keep on destroying our lives and the lives of others. Simply because we refuse to "handle anger slowly," the Spirit’s patience can’t be released.

A young father in a supermarket was pushing a shopping cart with his little son, who was strapped in the front. The little boy was fussing, irritable, and crying. The other shoppers gave the pair a wide berth because the child would pull cans off the shelf and throw them out of the cart. The father seemed to be very calm; as he continued down each aisle, he murmured gently: "Easy now, Donald. Keep calm, Donald. Steady, boy. It’s all right, Donald."

A mother who was passing by was greatly impressed by this young father’s solicitous attitude. She said, "You certainly know how to talk to an upset child—quietly and gently." And then bending down to the little boy, she said, "What seems to be the trouble, Donald?" "Oh, no," said the father. ‘He’s Henry. I’m Donald."

What I want you to do this week to release the Spirit’s patience in your life is do a little talking to yourself. Each time you sense your patience buttons being pushed, I want you to say either in your mind or out loud, "Mercy" and "Thank You." You can say patience if you want but remember mercy is what fuels patience. The person that is creating a sense of fault or offense in you needs first of all your mercy. If we think of them as an object of our mercy then we will release the Spirit’s patience. We will wait before we whack! Remember, you are releasing something that is already there! Speaking mercy toward a conflict is the key that unlocks the release of patience. Second, saying "Thank You" makes us aware that God is using that person to produce something better in us. It is God holding up a huge mirror in front of us letting us see the areas of need improvement.

Okay, who have you whacked with whom you need to repair a relationship? Who are you on the verge of whacking and you need to speak mercy to their life? What is blocking the river of mercy flowing out of you? Aren’t you tired of repairing the damage because you whack instead of wait? Isn’t it time to release the Spirit’s patience? You may have thought you came here today to learn to stay cool when someone cuts in front of you on the bypass. Instead God wanted to talk to us about the people we’ve hurt because we didn’t handle our anger slowly. Why not leave today with a commitment to release the Spirit’s patience as you see your conflicts through the eyes of mercy?

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Dr. Bruce Tippit, Pastor

First Baptist Church

Jonesboro, Arkansas

btippit@fbcjonesboro.org