Main Idea: Resolving the tension between our commitments to work and home begins with a decision that my family comes first.

This morning we begin a new sermon series called "Good Sense Living." For the next few Sundays we’re going to talk about living our lives in ways that just makes good sense, not only to us but also primarily to God. If there are ways that we can live that make good sense then it is true that there are ways that we live that do not make good sense. For example, it doesn’t make sense for us to fail to meet the needs of our family while we seek to find fulfillment through work. It doesn’t make sense for us to continue to neglect the health of our physical bodies and our spiritual souls because of careless decisions. It also doesn’t make sense for us to imagine that the material things I possess are the key to determining my real value.

As we move into this series I expect you and I to feel two things: one is guilt and the other is resistance. You are going to feel some guilt that will be either real or imagined. You may feel guilty about the way you have neglected the needs of your family, your physical and spiritual health or how you have allowed the material to define your significance. Now I need you to know that guilt by itself does very little to create change. Everyday there are people who are declared guilty by a court of law but they don't have any personal conviction to change. I am really not trying to put you in a place where you feel guilty and drag you down emotionally because of anything we discuss. Your guilt can make you aware of something but it will be your sense of conviction personally that will cause you to make the changes that God shows you are needed.

The second thing you are going to have is resistance. Some of you are not going to feel guilty or convicted about anything in this series. Immediately, when we talk about some things in our lives that do not make good sense you are going to tell yourself and God why you can’t make any changes. You are going to resist allowing God’s Spirit to talk to you about where you are and why you are where you are. You are going to find every reason in the world why you can’t change. You have said over and over that the way things are is not how they are supposed to be, yet when offered some options for change, you will say, "That won’t work for me!" What we are going to talk about is not a formula but a series of principles. God’s Spirit works in different ways with different people. You say your life is insane but you remember the definition of insanity don’t you? It’s doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

So, regardless of the guilt or the resistance, the question still will be, "What are you going to do to live your life in such a way that makes good sense?"

The first thing we are going to talk about is how to resolve the tension between work and home. I want to say to you that this message is adapted from a message by Andy Stanley, pastor of North Point Community Church, called Choosing to Cheat. I heard this message about two years ago and also read the book by the same name. The message had two immediate responses in me: I felt guilty and I felt resistance. I felt guilty because I didn’t fully measure up to the things he said about how he had resolved the tension between work and home. I also felt resistance because I just said that wouldn’t work for me. Two years later, with our girls gone and our nest empty, I still need this message. So what I say to you is not something I have fully resolved for myself but it is something that we all need to hear.

Our text comes, once again, from the book of Daniel. I know that I used this same text on July 3 to talk about spiritual freedom. However, there is a fresh principle here that speaks to us about how to resolve the tension between work and home. Now if you were here early in July or you have been in church and Sunday School, you are familiar with the story of Daniel. Let me just remind you that verses 1-6 of chapter one describes the strategy of Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon to take both the treasure of the Temple in Jerusalem and the best leaders of Israel for his own use. One of those leaders was a very young teenager named Daniel. He was accompanied by his friends Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah.

Now there were several changes that Daniel and his friends were forced to make. They were to learn a new language, new educational system, very likely new style of dress, and new customs or manners. They were even given new names. As far as we know, Daniel was fine with all these changes but one – what he was to eat and drink. In verse 5 the king ordered that they be fed food from his table and drink wine from his own stock. On the surface, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with this. However, as you know, the problem that came for Daniel and his friends was that the food had been offered as a sacrifice to their god. So by eating this food Daniel would be compromising his spiritual convictions.

Now notice in verse 8, " But Daniel made up his mind not to defile himself by eating the food and wine given to them by the king. He asked the chief official for permission to eat other things instead." Everything was going fine for Daniel until they came to this one issue and the Bible says, "Daniel made up his mind…." In a very clear way Daniel says, "No way!" He has gone through a lot of changes but this was not one with which he was going to cooperate.

So here is Daniel’s problem: He could decide to obey the king and ask God for forgiveness or he could decide to obey God and ask the king for forgiveness. If he obeys the king, then there was not going to be any immediate results. If he obeys God, there was the risk of his being killed easily for his disobedience. So the question was: Where was his loyalty going to be placed? Was it going to be to the king or was it going to be to God, because in this circumstance it couldn’t be both.

Here is the principle for us: The issue is who is it going to be who gets our best time, our family or our work? The issue for us isn’t eating meat offered to a god; its loyalty offered to our work or our family. The honest hard truth is we have to make a decision about who we are going to cheat because we are incapable of giving to both all that they require. Some of us still believe that if we were better time managers, or more disciplined or had a better schedule, then we could give to work what work demands and family what family demands. The truth is that doesn’t work because you and I can’t give enough to both because there is just too much to do. There will always be more work to do and your family’s needs will never be completely filled. So you can’t do both. Somewhere you have to cheat. Here is the bottom line: Whom are you cheating? Where are you cheating? Who feels cheated?

I can answer this question for 90% of us by telling you who is not being cheated: our employer. There are some of you who are stay-at-home moms who are cheating but you are not cheating your children you are cheating someone else. We all cheat somewhere because we can’t do it all. Here is what most of us do who are Christians when we are cheating our family from the devotion they deserve. We will tell God, "God, you know how hard my job is so you fill in the gap with my wife or husband or kids while I go do this other thing. God, help them understand I love them and I’m doing my best to provide for them. But you take care of them while I do something else.’ No, when we say that to God and to our family, here is how that communicates: "You are important but that is more important." That’s not what we say but that is how it is communicated.

Imagine for a moment if I asked you to hold this rock. You agree to hold the rock while I go do something else. I check back in with you from time to time to see if you are holding the rock. You are committed to holding the rock. Yet sooner or later your physical weakness is going to overcome your mental willingness and you are going to let go. When you let go, there is going to be a boom. What happened? Your physical weakness overcame your mental willingness and you dropped the rock. When you drop the rock, everybody knows. Why did you drop the rock? It wasn’t because you weren’t committed. You dropped the rock because over time your physical weakness overcame your mental willingness and that process caused you to let go.

Here is what we do: We tell our family to hold the rock while we go do something else. We tell them, "Hold on! That vacation is coming after this project." "Hold on! As soon as I get the kids in school things will get better." "Hold on! If I can just get this next raise then we will really be able to enjoy life!" Yet over time for someone in your life their emotional weakness overrides their mental willingness and the rock drops. Our problem is that we focus on the moment not the process.

We say things like:

"I don’t understand. Everything was fine and then she just walked in and said, ‘I’m finished.’"

"I don’t understand. Everything was fine and then my son started hanging out with this group of kids and the next thing I know he’s in jail."

"I don’t understand. I thought he understood how much my job demanded and he just blew up at me!"

It’s not the moment, it is the process. Our families are willing to hold on to the rock but they are just not strong enough. Here is the truth: When the rock falls, everybody knows and sometimes the rock shatters and we can’t put the pieces back together again. Why did it happen? It happened because their emotional weakness overcame their mental willingness and they just couldn’t hold on!

I want to address both the men and the women on this issue. Men, you know where we cheat—we cheat at home. We have great wives and families who understand and who love us. Yet if we are going to cheat, we are going to cheat at home because if we cheat at work there is an immediate result. If you work more at the office you feel like there is something to show for it. If you spend extra hours at home, there are no immediate results—you are just home. What we do is that we take advantage of the loyalty of our family and give our loyalty to someone who is less loyal to us. It is hard to admit but we are not irreplaceable. We are faced with the reality that all of us are just two or three bad decisions away from being told to clean out our office. Then when we clean out our office after years of loyalty to someone who shows no loyalty to us we go home to those who have truly been loyal. The danger is we have cheated at home so long there may be only the pieces left. There is no formula for making a decision to stop cheating at home but it is something you have to figure out between you and God.

Ladies, you are just as challenged and you cheat at home. I am saying this not because I think all women should stay home and raise the kids because that’s what your role is. I believe that you are equally as gifted as any man to do what God asks you to do. Yet, I do believe some women are in a place where they are forced to work to maintain a certain lifestyle, not because it is what fulfills them. There are some of you who need to quit and go home. There are others who need to find a different job that can allow them to stop cheating at home. There is so much talk today and over the last 10-15 years about women "having it all." Celebrities, from Katie Couric to Nicole Kidman, have come to the conclusion that women can’t have it all. Men can’t have it all. Women can’t be the best at home, on your job, with the kids, with your husband, work out and eat right. That’s why we cheat someone somewhere. Some who are stay-at-home moms focus on your kids to the detriment of your marriage. You feel fulfilled but your marriage is failing. For both men and women the best thing that you can give your children is a healthy marriage. When we cheat our mate for our kids, we are telling our spouse, "Hold the rock."

The question is: whom are you cheating? Where are you cheating? Who feels cheated?

There are three applications that come from this passage that point us to ways we can resolve the tension between work and home. The first is that you have to make up your mind to not cheat at home (Dan.1:8). Daniel, the Bible says, "made up his mind." He made a decision that he was going to be loyal to God and disobey the king. He made that decision without knowing what was going to happen to him. Daniel’s three friends did the same thing in Daniel 3 when they were commanded to bow down to an image of the king. Daniel did it again in Daniel 6 when another king told him that he could pray only as the king directed. In each instance, these people made up their minds that they would obey God not someone else. The key was that before they knew the "how" they determined the "what."

Your decision to stop cheating at home begins with you choosing before you know how the story is going to end. It begins with a decision – before you know how the details are going to work out. You don’t know how your boss or your employees are going to react. You don’t know what it is going to cost you but in spite of the uncertainty, you make the decision to not cheat your spouse or your family any longer, regardless of the consequences!

The second application is that when we make up our mind we then leave room for God to act. Look again at verse 9, " Now God had given the chief official great respect for Daniel." Notice the first two words, "Now God." What looked like an impossible situation was God’s opportunity to act. It wasn’t because of Daniel’s persuasion but it was because of God’s power. Daniel’s decision opened the door for God to act.

This is where it gets hard because we know if we don’t bill more hours it cuts into our paycheck. We know if we don’t complete that project at a certain time it would cause problems. We know if we go home early others will think we are lazy. If we don’t call one more person then they are going to not want my sale. Yet if we don’t make those decisions then there will be no "Now God" moments. Here is the truth: God knows more about your business than you do. We all get the feeling, and I am the chief of sinners, that they won’t survive without our doing something. My company, my job—they won’t survive without me. As long as we have that attitude, then there is no "Now God" moment. We have got to give him the opportunity to act because if we don’t we could spend the rest of our life wondering what might have been if we had only trusted him to do what he can do!

The third principle here is to create a plan that allows God the room to work. Look at verses 12-13, "Test us for ten days on a diet of vegetables and water...At the end of the ten days, see how we look compared to the other young men who are eating the king's rich food. Then you can decide whether or not to let us continue eating our diet." Daniel proposed a test to the king’s rule. Now I know you know how the test ended but hear it again, "At the end of the ten days, Daniel and his three friends looked healthier and better nourished than the young men who had been eating the food assigned by the king. So after that, the attendant fed them only vegetables instead of the rich foods and wines. God gave these four young men an unusual aptitude for learning the literature and science of the time. And God gave Daniel special ability in understanding the meanings of visions and dreams."

What this says to us is to offer a plan to those who we work for that allows us to stop cheating at home. You need to come up with a plan that offers an exit strategy from your current schedule and present it to your employer. What you are saying to God is, "I’m giving you the space to do what only you can do." You may ask for thirty days or six weeks to see how things can change. Regardless, I encourage you to do this very carefully Daniel used "wisdom and tact" (Dan. 2:14) and you need to as well. God honors your plan just as much as he does your faith.

In Andy Stanley’s book Choosing to Cheat, he tells how when he first started North Point Community Church that he was only going to work forty five hours a week. He said that he and his wife Sandra made a decision that he was only going to be as successful as forty-five hours a week would let him. So in 1995 they began the church with a handful of people and the key leader only working forty-five hours a week. He writes, "I didn’t know of any pastor who only worked 45 hours a week. I didn’t know any professional of any kind who had a forty-five-hour workweek. I felt guilty. I felt like I wasn’t being a good example to the rest of the staff. And frankly, I wasn’t convinced that I could build a church with that kind of schedule…But it was what I felt I had to do to be what my family needed me to be. I had to cheat somewhere. I decided to cheat at work. And for me, that meant cheating at church!"

What was the result? I looked on their website this week and ten years later they have 10,000 adults in their morning worship services as well as 3,000 children and youth. The key leader said, "I’m not cheating at home," and gave God the opportunity to work.

So will that happen to you? Will your business grow exponentially if you decide to stop cheating at home? Will your boss congratulate you for leaving early? Will your kids start making straight A’s and hanging out with better people? I don’t know. When Daniel’s friends made their decision to obey God they were tossed in the fiery furnace but God protected them. When Daniel chose to obey God he was thrown in the lion’s den but God protected him. So I can’t say that your decision to stop cheating at home in order to resolve the tension at work is going to make everyone happy. What I am saying, though, is that God will never get the chance to work if we don’t give him room!

Where are you cheating? Who are you cheating? Who feels cheated? Are you willing to make a decision, give God room and make a plan?

Take a look in the eyes of someone who is holding the rock and see how much longer they can hold on. Then ask yourself: Does this make good sense?

Sunday, August 7, 2005

Dr. Bruce Tippit, Pastor

First Baptist Church

Jonesboro, Arkansas

btippit@fbcjonesboro.org

Resources: "Choosing to Cheat," sermon by Andy Stanley