Main Idea: What I want us to understand is that the way to resolve the tension between our work and our home is by making the decision that my home comes first.

We are talking in this series about essentials for making marriage work. Last week we said that making marriage work begins and ends with our trust in God. So our first essential is "Trust God." This week the second essential for making marriage work is "Hurry Home." What I want us to understand is that the way to resolve the tension between our work and our home is by making the decision that my home comes first. The way you do that is by choosing to "Hurry Home."

Now let’s be very real and honest with each other. Most of you who work away from your home had a gut level reaction when you saw the title to this message of both guilt and resistance. The reason I know this is because that is my reaction. I have a deep sense of guilt and regret about my personal failure in my marriage and with my children that I didn’t always make them the priority that I should have. Decisions to be better at that came too late and with their own consequences. So if you feel a sense of guilt about this essential called "Hurry Home" then know I understand and join you in that. So what I say to you is not something I have fully resolved for myself but it is something that we all need to hear: If you are going to make marriage work then you will need to make the decision to "Hurry Home."

Each of these essentials for making marriage work requires both God’s help and our effort. This is especially true with the principle to "Hurry Home". The reason is that as we will see from our story in Daniel it takes a human decision to follow God’s priorities and it takes God’s supernatural power to actually make those decisions work. If you are going to make the decision that home comes first rather than your work then you will have to make that decision, not God or your spouse and family, and God will have to be the one who honors his promise to provide and bless you for obeying him.

The best concept for making this decision is called: Choosing to Cheat. Choosing to Cheat comes from a message and a book by the same title by Andy Stanley. The idea behind choosing to cheat is that if you are going to hurry home then you are going to have to choose marriage and family over work and career. Our text comes from the book of Daniel. It really doesn’t say anything about marriage and family but it does say something to us about the way to handle the tension between conflicting commitments. While most of you are familiar with the story of Daniel, others may not be. The story occurs when the Jews had been conquered by the Babylonians in 6^th century B.C. Let me just remind you that verses 1-6 of chapter one describes the strategy of Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon, to take both the treasure of the Temple in Jerusalem and the best leaders of Israel for his own use. One of those leaders was a very young teenager named Daniel. His friends Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah accompanied him.

Now there were several changes that Daniel and his friends were forced to make. They were to learn a new language, new educational system, very likely new style of dress, and new customs or manners. They were even given new names. As far as we know, Daniel was fine with all the changes but one – what he was to eat and drink. In verse 5 the king ordered that they be fed food from his table and drink wine from his own stock. Daniel 1:5 says, "The king assigned them a daily ration of the best food and wine from his own kitchens. They were to be trained for a three-year period, and then some of them would be made his advisers in the royal court." On the surface, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with this. However, the problem that came for Daniel and his friends was that the food had been offered as a sacrifice to their god. So by eating this food Daniel would be compromising his spiritual convictions.

Now notice in verse 8, "But Daniel made up his mind not to defile himself by eating the food and wine given to them by the king. He asked the chief official for permission to eat other things instead." Everything was going fine for Daniel until they came to this one issue and the Bible says, "Daniel made up his mind…." In a very clear way Daniel says, "No way!" He has gone through a lot of changes but this was not one with which he was going to cooperate. So here is Daniel’s problem: He could decide to obey the king and ask God for forgiveness or he could decide to obey God and ask the king for forgiveness. If he obeys the king, then there was not going to be any immediate discipline from God. If he obeys God, there was the risk of his being killed easily for his disobedience. So the question was: Where was his loyalty going to be placed? Was it going to be to the king or was it going to be to God, because in this circumstance it couldn’t be both.

Here is the principle for us: The issue is who is going get our best time: our spouse, our family or our work? The issue for us isn’t eating meat offered to a god; its loyalty offered to our work or our marriage and family. The honest hard truth is we have to make a decision about who we are going to cheat because we are incapable of giving to both all that they require. Some of us still believe that if we were better time managers, or more disciplined or had a better schedule, then we could give to work what work demands and marriage and family what they demand. The truth is that doesn’t work because you and I can’t give enough to both because there is just too much to do. There will always be more work to do and your marriage and family’s needs cannot be completely filled. So you can’t do both. Somewhere you have to cheat. Here is the bottom line: Whom are you cheating? Where are you cheating? Who feels cheated?

I can answer this question for 90% of us by telling you who is not being cheated: our employer. We all cheat somewhere because we can’t do it all. Here is what most of us do who are Christians when we are cheating our marriage and family from the devotion they deserve. We will make a deal with God that goes something like this: "God, you know how hard my job is so you fill in the gap with my spouse or kids while I go do this other thing. God, help them understand I love them and I’m doing my best to provide for them. But you take care of them while I do something else." Now, when we say that to God and to our family, it communicates this: "You are important but that is more important." That’s not what we say but that is how it is communicated.

Imagine for a moment if I asked you to hold this rock. You agree to hold the rock while I go do something else. I check back in with you from time to time to see if you are holding the rock. You are committed to holding the rock. Yet sooner or later your physical weakness is going to overcome your mental willingness and you are going to let go. When you let go, there is going to be a boom. What happened? Your physical weakness overcame your mental willingness and you dropped the rock. When you drop the rock, everybody knows. Why did you drop the rock? It wasn’t because you weren’t committed. You dropped the rock because over time your physical weakness overcame your mental willingness and that process caused you to let go.

Here is what we do: We tell our spouse and family to hold the rock while we go do something else. We tell them, "Hold on! That vacation is coming after this project." "Hold on! As soon as I get the kids in school things will get better." "Hold on! If I can just get this next raise then we will really be able to enjoy life!" Yet over time for someone in your life their emotional weakness overrides their mental willingness and the rock drops. Our problem is that we focus on the moment not the process.

We say things like: "I don’t understand. Everything was fine and then she just walked in and said, ‘I’m finished.’" "I don’t understand. Everything was fine and then my son started hanging out with this group of kids and the next thing I know he’s in trouble." "I don’t understand. I thought he understood how much my job demanded and he just blew up at me!" It’s not the moment, it is the process. Our spouse and family are willing to hold on to the rock but they are just not strong enough. Here is the truth: When the rock falls, everybody knows and sometimes the rock shatters and we can’t put the pieces back together again. Why did it happen? It happened because their emotional weakness overcame their mental willingness and they just couldn’t hold on!

For most working people you know where we cheat—we cheat at home. We have great spouses and families who understand and who love us. Yet if we are going to cheat, we are going to cheat at home because if we cheat at work there is an immediate result. If you work more at the office you feel like there is something to show for it. If you spend extra hours at home, there are no immediate results—you are just home. What we do is that we take advantage of the loyalty of our family and give our loyalty to someone who is less loyal to us. It is hard to admit but we are not irreplaceable. We are faced with the reality that all of us are just two or three bad decisions away from being told to clean out our office. Then when we clean out our office after years of loyalty to someone who shows no loyalty to us we go home to those who have truly been loyal. The danger is we have cheated at home so long there may be only the pieces left. When we cheat our mate for our job or the kids, we are telling our spouse, "Hold the rock."

The question is: Whom are you cheating? Where are you cheating? Who feels cheated?

There are three applications that come from this passage that point us to ways we can "Hurry Home". The first is if you are going to "Hurry Home" you have to make up your mind to not cheat at home (Dan.1:8). Daniel, the Bible says, "made up his mind." He made a decision that he was going to be loyal to God and disobey the king. He made that decision without knowing what was going to happen to him. Daniel made up his mind that he would obey God not someone else. The key was that before he knew the "how" he determined the "what."

Your decision to stop cheating at home begins with you choosing before you know how the story is going to end. It begins with a decision – before you know how the details are going to work out. You don’t know how your boss or your employees are going to react. You don’t know what it is going to cost you but in spite of the uncertainty, you make the decision to hurry home and not cheat your spouse or your family any longer, regardless of the consequences!

The second application is that when we make up our mind to "Hurry Home" we then leave room for God to act. Look again at verse 9, "Now God had given the chief official great respect for Daniel." Notice the first two words, "Now God." What looked like an impossible situation was God’s opportunity to act. It wasn’t because of Daniel’s persuasion but it was because of God’s power. Daniel’s decision opened the door for God to act.

This is where it gets hard because we know if we don’t bill more hours it cuts into our paycheck. We know if we don’t complete that project at a certain time it would cause problems. We know if we go home early others will think we are lazy. If we don’t call one more person then they are going to not want my sale. Yet if we fail to make those decisions then there will be no "Now God" moments. Here is the truth: God knows more about your business than you do. We all get the feeling, and I am the chief of sinners, that they won’t survive without our doing something. My company, my job—they won’t survive without me. We say, "If I don’t, it won’t…" "If I don’t, they won’t…" If I don’t, she won’t…" As long as we have that attitude, then there is no "Now God" moment. We have got to give him the opportunity to act because if we don’t we could spend the rest of our life wondering what might have been if we had only trusted him to do what he can do!

The third principle here is to create a plan to "Hurry Home" that allows God the room to work. Look at verses 12-13, "Test us for ten days on a diet of vegetables and water...At the end of the ten days, see how we look compared to the other young men who are eating the king's rich food. Then you can decide whether or not to let us continue eating our diet." Daniel proposed a test to the king’s rule. Now I know you know how the test ended but hear it again, "At the end of the ten days, Daniel and his three friends looked healthier and better nourished than the young men who had been eating the food assigned by the king. So after that, the attendant fed them only vegetables instead of the rich foods and wines. God gave these four young men an unusual aptitude for learning the literature and science of the time. And God gave Daniel special ability in understanding the meanings of visions and dreams."

What this says to us is that we need to offer a plan to those who we work for that allows us to hurry home and stop cheating at home. You need to come up with a plan that offers an exit strategy from your current schedule and present it to your employer. What you are saying to God is, "I’m giving you the space to do what only you can do." You may ask for thirty days or six weeks to see how things can change. Regardless, I encourage you to do this very carefully. Daniel used "wisdom and tact" (Dan. 2:14) and you need to as well. God honors your plan just as much as he does your faith.

God blessed Daniel mightily for his decision but will that happen to you? Will your business grow exponentially if you decide to hurry home? Will your boss congratulate you for leaving early? Will all the tension in your marriage over this issue be gone? Will your kids start making straight A’s and hanging out with better people? I don’t know. When Daniel’s friends made their decision to obey God they were tossed in the fiery furnace but God protected them. When Daniel later chose to obey God he was thrown in the lion’s den but God protected him. So I can’t say that your decision to hurry home in order to resolve the tension at work is going to make everyone happy. What I am saying, though, is that God will never get the chance to work if we don’t give him room!

Where are you cheating? Who are you cheating? Who feels cheated? Are you willing to make a decision, give God room and make a plan? Maybe you need to pray a prayer that goes like this:

Dear Heavenly Father, I’m leaving work now, and I don’t know if it will be there when I get back, because there is so much that’s left undone, but would you please take care of that, while I go take care of the thing you have commanded to take care of? I’m no longer going to pray your grace and mercy over my family while I give time that belongs to them to something else. I’m going to turn it around and I’m going to pray your grace and mercy over my work, because I’ve got to go home now, and I’m going to do all I can to be the husband you called me to be, the wife you called me to be, and the parent you called me to be, and I’m going to trust that you’re just big enough to take care of all the rest of that stuff." ("Why Good Leaders Choose to Cheat" by Andy Stanley, Willow, p.18-23, Spring 2007)

Can you do that? Let me ask you to take a look in the eyes of someone who is holding the rock and see how much longer they can hold on. If we are going to make marriage work: "Hurry Home!"

 Resources: "Choosing to Cheat," sermon by Andy Stanley. Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide? by Andy Stanley, Thomas Nelson Publications. "Why Good Leaders Choose to Cheat" by Andy Stanley, Willow, p.18-23, Spring 2007

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Dr. Bruce Tippit, Pastor

First Baptist Church

Jonesboro, Arkansas

btippit@fbcjonesboro.org