Currently, I am on what I call a "basics" kick in my thinking about God and life. I’m not sure why or how I got there but I have grown weary of the complicated and want things reduced down to the essentials. Now that may be because at my age I sometimes can’t remember why I walked into the next room. I also think it is because my human brain just can’t process the level of information, ideas and opinions that are around me. I actually freeze up trying to order coffee anymore. When we go to a coffee place I have to get Amy to tell me what it is I like and how to pronounce it and then practice ordering it. Recently a restaurant changed their menu and removed the one item that I liked and it totally unnerved me. I used to get "restaurant anxiety" and now I get "menu anxiety." Choices are fine for some people but just give me the basics.

That idea of the basics or essentials has carried over into my understanding of my Christian life and the same thing applies to marriage. There are many things that are available to help us have a successful and effective marriage. There is no shortage of books and speakers, both secular and Christian, to help us navigate the journey of marriage. However, Andy Stanley at Northpoint Community Church in Atlanta has identified six essentials that their church feels are basic for having a successful marriage. Those are: Trust God, Hurry home, Cultivate Communication, Nurture passion, Celebrate differences and Finish together. Six ideas that I could understand that any of us need to do in order to make our marriage work. In the next four weeks we are going to look at four of those ideas and the first one that we will start with is: Trust God. What I want us to see is that trust in God begins when we fully invite Jesus into the life of our marriage.

Why is "Trust God" the first essential for making marriage work? If you think about it, marriage is built on trust at its most basic level. You trust that you are right for each other. You trust that when you commit yourself to someone that they are going to be there. That is why when trust is broken in a marriage it is such a difficult thing to repair and rebuild. As a Christian, hopefully, you made a decision early in your marriage that you were going to trust God not only with your personal lives but also with your life together as husband and wife. I have come to discover, though, that not all Christian marriages make that decision. Not all Christian marriages have a desire to trust God with their marriage or their married life. For them, God is an accessory not a necessity. God is sort of like decorations in your home. He fills up the space but he’s not really essential.

That changes, though, when a crisis happens. Something happens that creates a crisis of such a magnitude that you have no choice as to where you are going to go for help. You make a choice to trust God. You find yourself praying, going to church, reading your Bible and you really mean for things to be different. The crisis passes and over time things begin to cool off. While you don’t realize it, you have decided to use God like a fire extinguisher. You hose things down real good until the fire is out but nothing really changes.

For others, though, the trust in God moves to a whole other level. God is no longer an accessory or a fire extinguisher but the very foundation of your life. Your trust in him is an absolute necessity for your existence as a couple and your life. That isn’t always perfect and it doesn’t mean there aren’t tough times but you have made a decision that making marriage work begins and ends with your trust in God. What you discover is that trust begins when you fully invite Jesus into the life of your marriage.

In our text for this morning we find a model showing us how to trust God by inviting Jesus into a crisis situation. It’s a story that anyone with a heart can understand: a little girl is dying and her father is desperate for help. The father goes to find Jesus and pleads with Jesus to come to his house and heal his daughter. Jesus will tell the father the one thing we need to hear, not only with our marriage but also with our whole life, "Don’t be afraid. Just trust me." Today your marriage may be at a crisis point or you may have a point of crisis in your life that tests your marriage. Regardless of where you are--good times, bad times or in between—an essential for making marriage work is: Trust God!

Trusting God begins when we admit we can’t handle life on our own. (Mark 5:23) A little girl about 12 years old is dying. Her father, a synagogue official, has come to ask Jesus to heal her. We have absolutely no idea why or how this young girl is losing life. The Bible does not tell us. All we know is that it was so severe that a tragic death was about to occur if a miracle didn’t happen.

How do we respond when we are faced with situations in our marriage that seem to be bigger than we can handle? One is with denial. We say "Everything’s fine" when it isn’t and that is called denial. Another response is avoidance. We’ll put it off and think, "We’ll talk about it later." Sooner or later you will have to face the truth and can’t avoid it. A third response is repetition. All you can think is, "Here we go again!" It may be a little sentence you echo in your mind but sometimes you whisper or shout when the same old problem keeps coming up. Rather than those responses we may simply give in to a feeling of detachment: "I just don’t care." We lose feeling due to hurt and anger. We insulate ourselves from the shocks of pain and we simply just don’t care any more.

Now I need you to understand that the thing that you can’t handle doesn’t have to be about the two people in the marriage. It can be your children, an illness, extended family, financial problems or work issues. The list can be endless. What is important to understand is that unless you are willing to admit that whatever it is bigger than you or the two of you then you will struggle to trust God with your marriage. This little 12 year old girl draws our attention to the truth that we face situations in marriage that are bigger than we are and somebody needs to admit it.

Trusting God in our marriage also means inviting Jesus into that place that is bigger than you can handle. (Mark 5:22-24) The father’s solution to the problem that was bigger than he could handle was very simple: Find Jesus and invite him into his problem! The father was aware that he had completely run out of options. This decision was not an easy one for this father. He was a person who probably had opposed Jesus and everything he taught and did. He knew he would risk ridicule for his choice of contact with Jesus. Yet the pain of watching his daughter die was more than the pride or risks. He found Jesus and invited him into that place that was bigger than he could handle.

The one thing that continues to amaze me about marriages that have problems is that many will refuse to seek help. For some ridiculous reason we have this voice prodding us on, saying "Prove it to them, you can do it…you don’t need anyone’s help." The medical profession has a phrase for when they can’t treat an illness with a prescription. It’s called, "We’ll let it run its course." There are some illnesses for which there is simply not a pill and it must run its course. There are others that if they aren’t treated will kill you. In our marriages there are problems that won’t go away, won’t run their course and they’re going to destroy you if you don’t get some help! This father chose to get help—real help—the help of Jesus Christ.

What does it take for us to ask for Jesus’ help? First, it begins with a realization you have no other option. I don’t know how long this father waited before looking for Jesus but the time is unimportant. The truth is there was no other option all along! Jesus was the only one who could heal the girl! I don’t care what the problem is in your marriage; the ultimate solution will be the power of the Lord Jesus Christ! He is your only solution—you have had no other option! Find Jesus!

Second, we need to allow our pain to overcome our pride. This father disregarded his past, present, and future position for the help of Jesus. Husbands and wives, what’s stopping you from humbling yourself to ask for Jesus’ help? Is it your past? Is it your present? Is it your fear of the future? Don’t say it will run its course! Some things won’t go away. Won’t you let the pain overcome your pride? Find Jesus!

A third principle is specific urgent prayer (Mark 5: 22-23) Why was it so necessary for him to be specific? Because it removed any chance that the need would be confused. He didn’t need Jesus to just look his way or pass by. He wanted Him to come to his house and put His hands on his little girl and if He would do that she would live! How specific are you and how desperate are you about needing the help of Jesus? Our marriages will remain in their struggles unless we invite Jesus into that place that is bigger than we are! Find Jesus!

Trusting God in our marriage will result in the offer of true hope. (Mark 5:24-42) What was our Lord’s response to the father’s request? Very simply: Jesus went with him. When Jesus arrived at the home he offered Jairus true hope in the face of overwhelming hopelessness! The degree of his hopelessness was extreme: his little girl was dead, the funeral had already begun, and the community was mocking the words of the one source of hope that he sought. The worst that Jairus imagined had happened!

There are many of you today for whom the worst that could happen in your marriage has happened: divorce, separation, crisis, illness or death. The worst you could imagine has happened and more! Jesus is offering you true hope in spite of the worst having happened! He can’t change the past. But doesn’t he have the power to bring true hope? Jesus tells the father, "Don't be afraid. Just trust me." He would not have said that unless he had the power to act. He still says that today: "Don't be afraid. Just trust me." You may get caught in the expectation of thinking that trusting God means, "They lived happily ever after." You may think that if I can’t insure "happily ever after" then I have no business talking about hope. But trusting God in your marriage doesn’t mean perfection. This father’s daughter would die again. They would face other desperate circumstances. Trusting God isn’t perfection it is opening the door of true hope! The gift of hope opens unlimited possibilities that God alone could provide.

God uses anything he chooses to teach us to trust him in our marriage and the life of our marriage. I’ve asked Lee Cooper to come and share her story of how she has learned to trust God in her life and in her marriage.

(Lee Cooper)

It is always best to start your marriage by trusting God. That may be all you have beyond love. Yet what you have will be more than others will ever own. This may be a time when you must as a couple renew your trust in God in your marriage. Perhaps your relationship with God has become too comfortable. Trusting God started out as a necessity but now it has become an accessory. Now, though, life has happened and you are thrown back into a place where together you must trust God.

So what do you do once you trust? The answer is you wait. That is why it is called trust. God works though on his time and through his own process. Our challenge is to wait on him. Henri Nouwen tells the story about some friends of his who were trapeze artists, called the Flying Roudellas. They told Nouwen there's a special relationship between flyer and catcher on the trapeze. The flyer is the one that lets go, and the catcher is the one that catches. As the flyer swings high above the crowd on the trapeze, the moment comes when he must let go. He arcs out into the air. His job is to remain as still as possible and wait for the strong hands of the catcher to pluck him from the air. One of the Flying Roudellas told Nouwen, "The flyer must never try to catch the catcher." The flyer must wait in absolute trust. The catcher will catch him, but he must wait. (John Ortberg, "Waiting on God," Preaching Today #199) Our task is to lift our arms and hands and wait in absolute trust. If you are going to make marriage work, then: Trust God!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Dr. Bruce Tippit, Pastor

First Baptist Church

Jonesboro, Arkansas

btippit@fbcjonesboro.org