Introduction: There is no question that the United States Army Rangers are an elite corps of people who, since their inception in June of 1942, have served our nation with heroic honor and distinction. Of all the necessary components of Ranger training, there is one that is key to the success of the Rangers. It isn’t their ability of physical stamina, marksmanship or bravery. The key to the effectiveness of the Ranger in battle is a relationship—a devoted relationship called a "Ranger Buddy." Major William Darby, the first commander of the Ranger Unit in 1942 required that the Rangers be organized around the buddy system. It is a concept that has stood the test of time and combat.

Our own John Gay has gone through Ranger School as perhaps others have and writes this about his Ranger Buddy: "Ranger Buddy is a fellow soldier that you are assigned to in Ranger School.  You are to eat, sleep, work, fight, and conduct all necessities with your Ranger Buddy by your side.  You are not to be found alone without him.  On 1 June 1989 I was at Fort Benning, GA. reporting to Ranger School in order to participate in the most challenging experience of my life.  With in the first hour of in-processing, I was assigned my Ranger Buddy, Ranger Jim Dolan.  From that moment through the first week of August, Ranger Dolan and I were within arms length of each other at ALL times.  That was the beginning of a life long friendship.  I can pick up the phone at anytime and know that Ranger Dolan will be there.  During that time we were both extremely challenged physically and mentally and relied on each other to make it through difficult times, sometimes Jim carried me and sometimes I carried Jim.  You trust your Ranger Buddy wholeheartedly, it is second nature to do so, like your shadow, he’s there."

"Security is the number one priority in combat, when I would eat, Jim pulled security.  The same for sleeping, for the little sleep that we did get, one would sleep, while the other pulled security, many times with our feet interlocked so we could wake one another quietly."  

"The concept of having a Ranger Buddy is a powerful concept that allows soldiers to look after one another, help each other make it through tough times, and celebrate the victories that they achieve together.  Everyone in life needs a Ranger Buddy." The point is true: We can handle life and life’s struggles with the help of a devoted relationship. Everyone in life needs a devoted relationship.

How many of us hear that and we know that we are desperate for one single devoted relationship? It is amazing that while we have reached a level with more social contacts than ever, we have little real connection with people. We are living what has been called lives of "crowded loneliness," and it is killing us—literally! The American Institute of Stress has said that lack of significant social activity can predict cardiac mortality as strongly as high cholesterol. The study said that, "social support is linked with higher mortality rates for heart attacks, diabetes, arthritis and other autoimmune disorders." (Making Room for Life by Randy Frazee, p. 33)

Yet God created us to have relationships with others! In fact, according to Genesis 2:18 our being alone was the only thing God said in his creative work was "not good." We were made for relationships—not just marriage relationships but devoted relationships. We are created with a connection requirement. Randy Frazee says that while we have all kinds of relationships around us, we have few close devoted relationships, which leave us lonely and desperate. He says that this loneliness is "the most dangerous loneliness of all because it emits a false sense of community that prevents us from diagnosing correctly. We have exposure to people but not a deep connection to people." We need persons in our lives with whom we share a devoted relationship. Deep down we know we can’t go it alone and we long to hear someone say, "I will be devoted to you". Jonathan said that to David and helped David survive his greatest struggle because he was a devoted friend.

This morning I want us to explore some very honest basic truths about relationships and friendship. Then, I want us to hear the story of the strength of Jonathan and David’s friendship. As we leave I want you to take four realities about devoted relationships with you.

Let’s be honest about our relationships that we call our friends. Randy Frazee says that we have what he calls "circles of relationships". They include persons at work, school, children, friends, church, hobbies, and sports activities. Within each circle we have sub-circles of relationships. The point, as we said, is that our problem is not a lack of exposure to people but we don’t have a deep connection to people. In other words we have few if any people with whom we can say we have a devoted relationship. In the relationships we have not all of those are going to be at the same level. Jerry White in his book Friends and Friendships points out that not all our friends are the same for us. In other words we have different kinds of friends or relationships.

• We have relationships that are acquaintances. You will make, depending on what you do, 500-2500 acquaintances a year. They are folks at work, shopping, class or church that you meet.
• Out of that pool of people you have casual relationships or friends. This is about 20 to 100 people. You know their name, see them regularly. They last a few moments or a lifetime.
• The next level of people with whom you have a relationship are those that we would call close friends or close relationships. This usually ends up with about 10-30 people who are counted in this area. They are (1) associate friends, (2) personal friends or (3) mentor friendships.
• The highest level of friendship or relationship is an intimate or devoted relationship or friend. This can be anywhere from one to six people. These are people you don’t want to live without. They are people who share our souls and deepest needs and feelings. They are people you would want to go through your greatest struggles with you. If you have one in your lifetime, count yourself blessed. More than one is icing on the cake.

Now, let me give you a definition that will help us to discover how strong our devoted relationships should be. " A person with whom I have a devoted relationship is a trusted confidant to whom I am mutually drawn as a companion and an ally, whose love for me is not dependent on my performance, and whose influence draws me closer to God."

That’s the kind of friend Jonathan was to David. It’s what got him through his greatest struggle—the jealous anger of King Saul.

What you see in Jonathan and David is an example of a devoted relationship (I Samuel 18-20). If you have ever been the recipient of the gift of a devoted relationship, you may have found that you knew they were going to be good for you when you met. That’s what happened between Jonathan and David. The scriptures read to you earlier somewhat "bracket" the relationship of David and Jonathan. One is at the beginning, the other at the end. The last is David’s expression of sorrow when his friend was gone. The point is, as Eugene Peterson says, " Friendship forms." David and Jonathan’s friendship bracketed all that would be contained in the living of life between their first meeting and their last.

1 Samuel 18:1-4 is the record of their first meeting. Jonathan had, in spite of his father’s rebellion against God, a heart that was sensitive to God’s Spirit. It was no doubt that sensitivity that caused him to openly align himself with David. Previously in I Samuel 17 David has just defeated the giant Goliath. Jonathan senses inwardly a bond and a love for David that was the deepest a person could have. Jonathan made an agreement with David of devoted support and friendship and sealed it with his robe, his armor and his weapons. Jonathan was a man’s man. I Samuel 14 records the bravery of Jonathan in single handedly defeating a group of Philistine soldiers. He had become a seasoned warrior but now he saw in David a friend that was more valuable than position, power or prestige.

Just like a precious metal is tested by fire, so the relationship of Jonathan and David was placed under tremendous stress I Samuel 19:1-7 describes Saul, Jonathan’s father, being consumed with jealousy over the friendship between the two of them. Saul tries twice to kill David. He turns to his own son and tells him to do the job. Jonathan does what true friends do—support a friend in conflict even if it means being in conflict with others closest to you. Saul realizes the foolish reaction toward David and David is brought back into the palace again. Yet the tension caused by his friendship is not gone, it’s merely dormant.

As David continued growing in power and prestige it wasn’t long before Saul’s anger broke through. I Samuel 19:8-10 recalls Jonathan attempting to bring a resolution between David and Saul but it was not going to work. Jonathan’s plan for this reconciliation is revealed in I Samuel 20. David tells Jonathan that he’s got to know for sure if Saul is trying to kill him. Jonathan tells David that he will inform Saul when David is absent from an official function that he was away on family business. If Saul is OK with this, then he will shoot three arrows out into a field. If it’s OK for David to come back, then he’ll tell his servant, "They’re close, come back." If it’s not OK then he’ll tell him, "The arrows are beyond you."

When Jonathan explains David’s absence, Saul loses his temper. (I Samuel 20:30-34) He berates Jonathan and even tries to kill him, his own son. Can you imagine the broken heart that Jonathan had as he shot those arrows—one, two, three then said, "Is not the arrow beyond you?" His attempt at resolution failed.

The solution that separated these two friends was painful. David couldn’t come back. Jonathan couldn’t leave. They would be torn apart physically but they pledged their devotion to each other forever. "As soon as the boy was gone, David came out from where he had been hiding near the stone pile. Then David bowed to Jonathan with his face to the ground. Both of them were in tears as they embraced each other and said good-bye, especially David. At last Jonathan said to David, ‘Go in peace, for we have made a pact in the Lord's name. We have entrusted each other and each other's children into the Lord's hands forever.’ Then David left, and Jonathan returned to the city." (I Samuel 20:41-42)

What you find in this relationship between Jonathan and David is that a devoted relationship formed their lives. It took two people and shaped them into something they couldn’t have been otherwise. A devoted relationship with David made Jonathan’s life far more difficult. He risked losing his father’s favor and his own future, yet neither loss was more important that his relationship with David. He was David’s devoted friend. Jonathan’s friendship to David allowed him to survive the struggle with Saul. Jonathan saw what God had in mind for David and sought to confirm that in him. It would be Jonathan’s friendship that kept Saul’s hatred from destroying David’s soul.

Just as David and Jonathan’s devoted relationship was bracketed by the battles with Saul, That’s what devoted relationships do—find the best and bring it out, especially in life’s greatest struggles. John Gay tells how his Ranger Buddy helped him overcome his greatest fear during his training, "During Phase II, Mountain Phase, following completion of the lower mountaineering phase, it's on to upper mountaineering for days five and six. On top of Mount Yonah, the highest peak in Georgia, students learn how to conduct free climbs.  This is where you are tied to a rope with your Ranger Buddy and ascend.  This was one of my weak moments that I remember vividly.  The concept is for one to climb up a ways, find a secure position, followed by your buddy.  Then up again, and continue until you summit.  A rope is secured around the waist of each, and is approx 10-15 feet in length between each man, so in theory if one falls, the most he can fall is the length of the rope, assuming that the other man is braced for the fall and does not fall as well.  Now picture this, solid rock, going straight up over 200 feet, with little cracks that we are suppose to grab with our hands and pull our way up.   Jim and I had to decide who would take off first and he gladly volunteered and I gladly let him.  He ascended beautifully with no problem.  Then it was my turn, and I was terrified, however with the encouragement from Jim and a little pull of the rope, (which is against the rules), I got up the side of that mountain.  Jim and I laughed many times later, he said that I was hugging that mountain like a bug splattered on a car windshield."

Jonathan helped David by devoting himself to their relationship to each other. Jim helped John by devoting himself to their relationship. Because of their devotion to the success of their mission they kept the other from falling! The question for you is who is holding the other end of your rope to keep you from falling and failing?

• Devoted relationships are rare, be thankful if you have one. David would have other relationships but there was only one Jonathan. Don’t imagine you are going to have a long list of devoted friends. You will not. If you have had one, thank God. If you need one, keep looking. If you have more than one, you are indeed blessed.
• Persons who share a devoted relationship focus life’s struggles. Jonathan helped David deal with the real problems not other issues. Devoted friends help us see our problems objectively and work with us to resolve them. They help us keep things in perspective.
• Persons with whom we have a devoted relationship love us unconditionally not uncritically. Jonathan loved David in spite of what he would lose. His love was not conditioned on who David was or how it would affect him. He was not slack to correct David when he needed direction. Devoted friends love deeply but objectively. A true friend wants to love but love also must deal with the truth.
• Persons with whom we have a devoted relationship intentionally make their relationship last. As Jonathan and David parted they were both determined to seal their relationship in God forever. They put it in God’s hands. Devoted friends have their relationship based on their internal faith in Christ. You can have, I believe, only the deepest sharing when you internally know Christ. Out of this you deliberately do what is needed to keep your relationship alive and growing. The lasting relationships we need are not incidental, they are intentional. That’s especially true when one of you is hurting.

Some years later David would stand on a hillside hearing the story of the death in battle of his devoted friend (2 Samuel 1:25-26): "How the mighty heroes have fallen in battle! Jonathan lies dead upon the hills. How I weep for you, my brother Jonathan! Oh, how much I loved you! And your love for me was deep, deeper than the love of women!" That’s the song of a man who survived life’s struggles with the strength of one devoted friend.

In the final film of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Return of the King, Frodo and Sam climb Mount Doom carrying the ring of power. The only way to save Middle Earth from the forces of evil is to destroy the ring by throwing it into the fires of Mount Doom.

The climb up the mountain is treacherous. Fireballs hurl through the air like meteors. Lava seeps down the smoke-shrouded mountain. Gollum, a pitiful creature who once possessed the ring and is now obsessed with it, looks to kill Frodo and seize the ring. Sam protects his master by fending off Gollum's attack and knocking him back down the mountain. With Gollum temporarily gone, Frodo and Sam resume their climb up the mountain. Frodo alone must carry the ring, and the burden becomes so heavy that he collapses. His exhaustion is so great, he can only whisper and feels unable to take another step.

Sam cradles Frodo in his arms and seeks to comfort him. "Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It will be spring soon. Do you remember the taste of strawberries and cream?" "No, Sam," Frodo wearily replies, "I can't recall the taste of food, the sound of water, the touch of grass. There's nothing." "Let's be rid of it [the ring] once and for all. Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you. But I can carry you. Come on." Sam hoists Frodo onto his back and carries him to the top of Mount Doom, where after some final struggles the ring is destroyed. (Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, New Line Cinema, 2003, directed by Peter Jackson)

Have you got a relationship like that? Someone who will say, "I can’t carry the problem you face but I can carry you!" Do you need to be a friend like that? Do you need to say to someone, "I can’t carry your problem but I can carry you"? You may or you may not have a devoted relationship like that like that in your lifetime. Yet all of us have someone who has already carried not just us but our burden of sin as well. Jesus said, "I command you to love each other in the same way that I love you. And here is how to measure it—the greatest love is shown when people lay down their lives for their friends. (John 15:12-13 NLT) He laid down his life for us and called us "friends" (John 15:14) His friendship is absolute and complete. There’s going to come a time when you can’t make it alone. You’ll need a friend, a devoted friend. We can survive live and life’s struggles with the strength of a devoted relationship.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Dr. Bruce Tippit, Pastor

First Baptist Church

Jonesboro, Arkansas

btippit@fbcjonesboro.org